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Reuters, Pittsburgh (Apr 7, 2000)- As most people know, the first day of May is traditionally celebrated across most of the world as the Worker's Solidarity Day. However, as the center of the evilcapitalistpigs empire, the US of A has not recognised the importance and significance of Worker's Day and continues to keep its population unaware of May Day celebrations. That is, until now. All that may be set to change, as a little known fragment Technorevolutionary group, the Turkish Techno Terrorists Revolutionary Committee has announced that they have seized power in one fell swoop in advance of Worker's Day 2000 celebrations. Speaking from the TTT headquarters on 5256 Forbes Aveunue in Pitsburgh, TTTRC spokeswoman Dilek Aykut proclaimed the arrival of the revolution to the masses: "We the TTTRC announce the seizure of power", she said. "We are not entirely clear on exactly how much power was seized, but I can tell you it's a lot. Since the revolution is all about sharing, we would like to extend invitations to our friends across the globe to show these Americans just what a good May Day celebration is like." The chairman of the revolutionary committee, Hakan Ilkin, agreed. "We certainly have stinking amounts of power in my, ahem, our hands..." he declared "..and I will not rest easy until I have made sure that it's all used up by internal bickering and dissipated through schisms in revolutionary methodology. I have great plans on how I can accomplish the least with the most expenditure of precious resources." Hakan, an ex-MBA-turned-techno-revolutionary, certainly has the right credentials for this admittedly hard task. Information on the TTTRC members is sketchy at best but according to reliable sources the members and the posts that they hold are: Hakan Ilkin: Chairman of the Committee, Minister of Women's Affairs. Dilek Aykut: Economics Minister, Minister in Charge of Nationalisation, Chairwoman of the Committee for the advancement of belly dancing and French Cinema, and spokeswoman of the TTTRC. Emre Ilal: Minister of Housing for the Rich, Chairman and the sole member of the Committee for the Promotion of Productivity through Sloth. He actually is reputed to be abroad in some exotic place "out there" but is expected to return in time for the celebrations. Mustafa Unlu: Another member who has recently returned from abroad, The Enemy of the People, Citizen in charge of Butchery of Sound and other small furry mammals. The TTTRC have announced that the special May Day 2000 celebrations will be held at their HQ on 5256 Forbes on the night of 29th April. Experts have speculated that the fact that the date is on a weekend and not on May 1st is revealing the petit-bourgoise roots of the organization by pandering to the official weekend and the desire to recruit as many IKEA buying, fashionable outfit wearing, cell phone carrying, upwardly or otherwise mobile yuppies as possible. When asked whether they felt that the TTTRC have betrayed the revolutionary cause, the enemy of the People replied: "Whatever!" |
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Copyleft notice: Copyright (C) 1999-2005 Mustafa Ünlü. This information is free; you can redistribute it and/or modify it under the terms of the GNU General Public License as published by the Free Software Foundation; either version 2 of the License, or (at your option) any later version. |